You’re the

kind of girl

I would

wish on my

worst enemy

54 notes

Keep your

friends close

and your

enemas

even closer

4 notes

I had an mri scan today. I learned something very profound, the rhythm and tone of an mri harmonizes unbelievably well with the sax solo from Baker Street. The scales have truly fallen from my eyes. 

10 notes

"The intelligent

are full of doubt ?”

I doubt it.

8 notes
Wishes

The table

would groan

under the weight

of my wishes

if they carried

any gravity

or if helium

they might

carry me

to far off places

I can only

imagine

If stirring winds

were they

a flock of birds

could soar

and sweep

Sadly they are

none of these

In reality

they are

aspirations that

wither in the hand

never to play

dying from apathy

and circumstance 

25 notes
Tasteless

I admire the confidence

you display

across the table

sipping tea

Your camp manner

your delight

in this love of yourself

The certainty of

your entertainment value

Your general knowledge

Your IQ

"Do you know the capital

of this one or that one ?”

Sadly not I reply

"Do you know who said

this or that”

Again no


"May I ask you a question"

I squeeze this in as she pauses

for huge intake of air


"Oh if you must, I’m bored"


"Is digitalis tasteless in tea "

28 notes
Trivia-Saved by the bell

After anesthetic  was first used people became very wary of mistakenly being pronounced dead while still alive. This lead to a short lived fashion of undertakers building coffins which incorporated a string attached to a bell so when the coffin was buried the string was available inside the coffin to be pulled and ring the bell which was left above ground. Hence the expression.

You are now well informed use this trivia with caution.

9 notes
Joke-by Stephen Fry and Hugh Lawrie

Two blokes chatting at the bar having just seen the film Ghost. First guy say’s “No, that would be truly impossible, you can’t make love to a ghost”

Another fellow sitting behind pipes up having overheard the conversation “I have” So the first guy say’s “what, you’ve really made love to a ghost ?” The man replies “I do apologise Sir I thought you said goat”   

11 notes

Cow # 1:Are you worried about mad cow disease ?

Cow#2:Why should I worry, I’m a duck.

10 notes
One eyed

You’ve exploited

every mistake

others ever made

Your caustic

witticisms

are on the menu

for your entourage

but contrary

to your expectations

they fail to lap

them up

They are speaking

unheard volumes

whilst sharpening

their knives

28 notes
Love

I loved you

without thought

I loved you

before time

I loved you

for every reason

and without

reason at all

15 notes
Decisions decisions

There’s no genuflection

at the feet of the pseudo wise

it just feels wrong

Trust yourself to stumble

through these days

You’ve earned the scraps of 

wisdom you picked 

here and there

So when decisions are imminent

gamble on your own judgement

Don’t mess it up listening

to those that know better

14 notes
If

If the

playing fields

were even

how different

life might be

19 notes

I had a passing interest in mycology then it just mushroomed.

13 notes
Poetry

Words will

make the best

of tunes

and poets

play the them

well

14 notes